So I figure I had better start writing down all of the things that Jaxon does that I find endearing, because before I know it..he is going to be in high school or something.
Today the little bug fell asleep in bed with my husband and he had one sock on his foot and his diaper. That's all. And Justin and him were in the exact same position. On their left side, knees bent, both of their mouths hanging open, and snoring a little bit. He looked like a little mini-version..expect he looks like me. Because let's face it..the boy really does look like me.
God I love that kid entirely too much.
He also said "I wanna watch tv!" The other day it was "I want to sit there!" He's too smart for his own good!! God I love him.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I got the blues...and I don't mean Mac and Cheese.
Honestly, my head is pounding something fierce. Uh. I feel like I am being pulled twelve different directions at once, and people are all just sitting there laughing about it. I can feel the cranky monster rising up to consume everyone. And it is going to be a very, VERY ugly stint if I don't curb whatever the hell it is that is bugging me.
So once again I didn't listen to my own damn rules. I fell pray to the 'convience' of fast food. I really, really have got to stop doing that. I feel like complete and utter garbage after I am done consuming it. Wracked with so much guilt I could keep a Catholic priest busy for a year. I have to get the hell out of this funk. OMG. I can not take it, seriously. I just feel like I am going to explode on someone, and I think it may be the result of my eating habits. Damn sad if you ask me. I am letting food control me once again. Get a grip woman, jesus!
On another note, I feel like I need a huge change. A tattoo? Haircut? Cut people out of the life? Ugh, something. I feel icky and I do not know how to shed that damn feeling. I don't like feeling bogged down. For once in my life, I feel like I deserve to be happy. I am doing all of things that I need to be doing. Working. (-insert grumble here-) Going to school. Being a good mommy, atleast to the best of my ability. I probably could be doing more, but I feel so spread thin that all I want to do when I get home from whatever the hell it is, I just want to sleep.
Right now I have a huge headache from hell, and it only took 30 seconds to upset me. The bad thing about it all, is that I don't quite remember what it is that pissed me off. Which in turn means that it did not mean anything, or was not the root of my actual problem. There is something underlying in all of it, and I just have to figure out what the hell it is.
I really have got to stop listening in Psych. I am turning into one of those idiots that thinks that they can diagnose things, when in fact they just sound like idiots. Spouting off big words and what not, it may fool some, but not all.
Maybe a nap will help. God knows that I sleep enough. Jesus. I need some me time. That's it. Maybe tonight I will go to a movie instead of out like I had planned. I am in such a bad mood that I would probably make terrible company, even though I have yet to see the person I am suppose to hang out with, in forever. And I miss her face more than ever.
On top of that I am thinking about Keeda, and hoping that everything pulls through just fine. Thoughts and good juju go out to her. I think my heart will break into a million pieces if that biopsy comes back as cancer. I don't think I could handle that.
So once again I didn't listen to my own damn rules. I fell pray to the 'convience' of fast food. I really, really have got to stop doing that. I feel like complete and utter garbage after I am done consuming it. Wracked with so much guilt I could keep a Catholic priest busy for a year. I have to get the hell out of this funk. OMG. I can not take it, seriously. I just feel like I am going to explode on someone, and I think it may be the result of my eating habits. Damn sad if you ask me. I am letting food control me once again. Get a grip woman, jesus!
On another note, I feel like I need a huge change. A tattoo? Haircut? Cut people out of the life? Ugh, something. I feel icky and I do not know how to shed that damn feeling. I don't like feeling bogged down. For once in my life, I feel like I deserve to be happy. I am doing all of things that I need to be doing. Working. (-insert grumble here-) Going to school. Being a good mommy, atleast to the best of my ability. I probably could be doing more, but I feel so spread thin that all I want to do when I get home from whatever the hell it is, I just want to sleep.
Right now I have a huge headache from hell, and it only took 30 seconds to upset me. The bad thing about it all, is that I don't quite remember what it is that pissed me off. Which in turn means that it did not mean anything, or was not the root of my actual problem. There is something underlying in all of it, and I just have to figure out what the hell it is.
I really have got to stop listening in Psych. I am turning into one of those idiots that thinks that they can diagnose things, when in fact they just sound like idiots. Spouting off big words and what not, it may fool some, but not all.
Maybe a nap will help. God knows that I sleep enough. Jesus. I need some me time. That's it. Maybe tonight I will go to a movie instead of out like I had planned. I am in such a bad mood that I would probably make terrible company, even though I have yet to see the person I am suppose to hang out with, in forever. And I miss her face more than ever.
On top of that I am thinking about Keeda, and hoping that everything pulls through just fine. Thoughts and good juju go out to her. I think my heart will break into a million pieces if that biopsy comes back as cancer. I don't think I could handle that.
-.-;
I am a tired, tired, tired woman. I can not express to you the amount of bone wariness that I carry in me right now. And yet here I am at 130 in the morning, writing on a blog that I have once again neglected for over a month. Goes to show how good of a blogger I am. Peh.
So I started back up at school again. But this time I am working on top of it. Why? Because I am a 'tardo and I want to burn out and kill myself. The first week was hell, this second one at the end is going to suck. I work Thur-Sun. There are no days off for me. It's either homework and class, or homework and work.
This is the cycle that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
God I bitch alot. Oh well. No one reads this shite anyways. And MF's I will cuss if I want. I have to get up in the morning and finish my homework for Psych. Ugh, I can not wait for this semester to be over. OVER I say. Especially this damn math class. One more semester of that, and I should be done. No, I lied I still have to take Stats. UGH.
On a positive note, I think I have found the best course of action, and that is to go to UNMC. I can still go to Metro and do ALL of my Gen. Eds before I waltz into the big university and take the nursing classes that I need. It just seems like it will fit my schedule/timeline better.
I have also lost damn near 30lbs. Now mind you I have been a disgusting slob when it comes to eating habits, but since I work so much and walk so often at work I have been losing weight. 30 lbs! Big Mama say WHA? Now only like 60lbs to go. Time to make some new rules.
NO MORE: Pop, Sugar, Fast Food, Fried Food.
However; Sunday is amnesty day. You may eat and or drink whatever you want. Also, working out of some kind needs to begin again. FIND TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE HO!
60 lbs is a long ways to go, but I am sure that I can do it. Push ups, sit ups, and maybe walking a good distance a day will help me start losing again. I don't want to be a fat ass forever. And I can't risk falling back into unhealthy bs again. Maybe I should start working on myfitnesspal again. Yeah, I think so. Starting tomorrow.
Alright all, time to go to bed. Have to do Psych in the morning. -.- It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. That is my new mantra.
PS I am fat and fabulous, get over it.
So I started back up at school again. But this time I am working on top of it. Why? Because I am a 'tardo and I want to burn out and kill myself. The first week was hell, this second one at the end is going to suck. I work Thur-Sun. There are no days off for me. It's either homework and class, or homework and work.
This is the cycle that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
God I bitch alot. Oh well. No one reads this shite anyways. And MF's I will cuss if I want. I have to get up in the morning and finish my homework for Psych. Ugh, I can not wait for this semester to be over. OVER I say. Especially this damn math class. One more semester of that, and I should be done. No, I lied I still have to take Stats. UGH.
On a positive note, I think I have found the best course of action, and that is to go to UNMC. I can still go to Metro and do ALL of my Gen. Eds before I waltz into the big university and take the nursing classes that I need. It just seems like it will fit my schedule/timeline better.
I have also lost damn near 30lbs. Now mind you I have been a disgusting slob when it comes to eating habits, but since I work so much and walk so often at work I have been losing weight. 30 lbs! Big Mama say WHA? Now only like 60lbs to go. Time to make some new rules.
NO MORE: Pop, Sugar, Fast Food, Fried Food.
However; Sunday is amnesty day. You may eat and or drink whatever you want. Also, working out of some kind needs to begin again. FIND TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE HO!
60 lbs is a long ways to go, but I am sure that I can do it. Push ups, sit ups, and maybe walking a good distance a day will help me start losing again. I don't want to be a fat ass forever. And I can't risk falling back into unhealthy bs again. Maybe I should start working on myfitnesspal again. Yeah, I think so. Starting tomorrow.
Alright all, time to go to bed. Have to do Psych in the morning. -.- It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. That is my new mantra.
PS I am fat and fabulous, get over it.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Another short hiatus!
So I have been a very, very busy girl. I started at a new job...quit..found a different one..and have been there for the past two months. This place is nice, the hours are a bit wonky...but the pay is good and I like the people. So all in all I am a happy camper. Other than that, I am getting my ass back into school as of June 6th.
Nursing and I have been having a love/hate relationship. One minute I am all gung-ho for it, the next I am trying to think up something else I would rather do. But in the long run, this is the right path for me. Just not where I originally planned to be. I am not just stopping with my BA..eventually I will go on and get my MSN and either my NP or become a CRNA. I think I would be happy in either job. Though, I will not be able to make the final decision on that until I actually take chemistry again and see how I like it. Chemistry is a large part of CRNA, as well as pharm.
Jaxon has been a good little boy. His vocabulary is growing my leaps and bounds every single day. It is fucking scary, really. I love that little boy more than life itself. Every time I don't want to go to work or get back into school, I think of the future I can give him with the proper education and training that I am recieveing at both places. Yay for being a responsible mommy!
Ugh, time to take off and get a bit of rest before it is time to go to work. Yep, that's right...I work 11 pm until 730 am. Crazy schedule, I know. LOL.
Nursing and I have been having a love/hate relationship. One minute I am all gung-ho for it, the next I am trying to think up something else I would rather do. But in the long run, this is the right path for me. Just not where I originally planned to be. I am not just stopping with my BA..eventually I will go on and get my MSN and either my NP or become a CRNA. I think I would be happy in either job. Though, I will not be able to make the final decision on that until I actually take chemistry again and see how I like it. Chemistry is a large part of CRNA, as well as pharm.
Jaxon has been a good little boy. His vocabulary is growing my leaps and bounds every single day. It is fucking scary, really. I love that little boy more than life itself. Every time I don't want to go to work or get back into school, I think of the future I can give him with the proper education and training that I am recieveing at both places. Yay for being a responsible mommy!
Ugh, time to take off and get a bit of rest before it is time to go to work. Yep, that's right...I work 11 pm until 730 am. Crazy schedule, I know. LOL.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Adventures of a young child...
Today, after I got up from sleeping, Jaxon and I took a stroll down to the park behind the elementary school. He held my hand and walked the entire way, his little feet pattering on the sidewalk. I kept looking at how tiny his feet are in his new shoes. Sometimes I just want to scoop him up and not let him get any bigger. When we finally got to the park, I found out they had a merry-go-round, much to my delight! That had been one of my favorite things to do at the park. I could spend hours in the center staring up at a twirling sky. And these things are pratically extinct. You very rarely see them. So imagine how giddy I was when I found out there was one a few blocks away!
So I put Jaxon on it and told him to hold on to the bar. And then I spun him. The look on his face was utterly breathtaking. A mix of surprise, fear, adventure, and straight awe. It was..amazing. He was giggling, throwing his head back and laughing. When it started to slow, I grabbed the bars and ran a bit more, jumping on to sit next to him. He grinned at me like he hadn't a care in the world as we whirled around together. He giggled, I laughed..and I realized this was what being a mother was all about. Those little moments where the world is amazing and still and you just have a wonderful memory to carry away from it. I'll always remember that time on the playground with my baby.
So I put Jaxon on it and told him to hold on to the bar. And then I spun him. The look on his face was utterly breathtaking. A mix of surprise, fear, adventure, and straight awe. It was..amazing. He was giggling, throwing his head back and laughing. When it started to slow, I grabbed the bars and ran a bit more, jumping on to sit next to him. He grinned at me like he hadn't a care in the world as we whirled around together. He giggled, I laughed..and I realized this was what being a mother was all about. Those little moments where the world is amazing and still and you just have a wonderful memory to carry away from it. I'll always remember that time on the playground with my baby.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Royal Dreams...
Last night I had the strangest dream. I was a prince (yep, I was a man) and my father or someone that was close to me..and I were visiting another royal family near my own country. There was going to be a coronation for that ruler and we were there to witness it. For some reason my relative, while we were holding a private meeting with the soon to be crowned monarch, stab and killed the ruler without my consent or prior knowledge. Then we had to run for our lives to avoid being killed. We dressed as commoners and were trying to make our way back to our home country. Weirdest dream ever.
Speaking of sleeping..Friday night I tried to let Jaxon sleep in bed with us, because he was really upset when he woke up. So we settled down to bed pretty easily..an hour later I wake up and the boy is wrapped like a koala bear around the back of my head and he is petting my hair muttering. Then somehow he flips his little self over and starts kicking away. He had to go back to his bed after only an hour. But he settled down pretty easily. Something tells me that this boy is not made to sleep with his parents. He likes his space, which is awesome.
Other than that..nothing to report. ^.^
Speaking of sleeping..Friday night I tried to let Jaxon sleep in bed with us, because he was really upset when he woke up. So we settled down to bed pretty easily..an hour later I wake up and the boy is wrapped like a koala bear around the back of my head and he is petting my hair muttering. Then somehow he flips his little self over and starts kicking away. He had to go back to his bed after only an hour. But he settled down pretty easily. Something tells me that this boy is not made to sleep with his parents. He likes his space, which is awesome.
Other than that..nothing to report. ^.^
Made of Awesome...even if you think it's broken!!
Today I was reminded why my life is so much different than other people. I have to start out by saying what I had, does not make me any less of a great person. My circumstances made me a stronger, brighter, independent woman. My mother helped to shape that. I did not need anything else. And just because you have two parents, does not make you better than me. I never felt like I was at a disadvantage. I never felt like I was any less loved. I did not need a father, do not need a father, to feel complete. My mom did a damn good job, despite the odds.
People that think any less of that amazing woman, should be slapped. And I will be the first one to pimp slap a M.F.
Lesson here: Do not talk down to other people because they lack what you think is necessary. Because I loved every single minute of my childhood, and I have no regrets. You aren't better than me because you had two parents and your trying to rub it in, only makes you look like an idiot.
~ A.
People that think any less of that amazing woman, should be slapped. And I will be the first one to pimp slap a M.F.
Lesson here: Do not talk down to other people because they lack what you think is necessary. Because I loved every single minute of my childhood, and I have no regrets. You aren't better than me because you had two parents and your trying to rub it in, only makes you look like an idiot.
~ A.
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