Honestly, my head is pounding something fierce. Uh. I feel like I am being pulled twelve different directions at once, and people are all just sitting there laughing about it. I can feel the cranky monster rising up to consume everyone. And it is going to be a very, VERY ugly stint if I don't curb whatever the hell it is that is bugging me.
So once again I didn't listen to my own damn rules. I fell pray to the 'convience' of fast food. I really, really have got to stop doing that. I feel like complete and utter garbage after I am done consuming it. Wracked with so much guilt I could keep a Catholic priest busy for a year. I have to get the hell out of this funk. OMG. I can not take it, seriously. I just feel like I am going to explode on someone, and I think it may be the result of my eating habits. Damn sad if you ask me. I am letting food control me once again. Get a grip woman, jesus!
On another note, I feel like I need a huge change. A tattoo? Haircut? Cut people out of the life? Ugh, something. I feel icky and I do not know how to shed that damn feeling. I don't like feeling bogged down. For once in my life, I feel like I deserve to be happy. I am doing all of things that I need to be doing. Working. (-insert grumble here-) Going to school. Being a good mommy, atleast to the best of my ability. I probably could be doing more, but I feel so spread thin that all I want to do when I get home from whatever the hell it is, I just want to sleep.
Right now I have a huge headache from hell, and it only took 30 seconds to upset me. The bad thing about it all, is that I don't quite remember what it is that pissed me off. Which in turn means that it did not mean anything, or was not the root of my actual problem. There is something underlying in all of it, and I just have to figure out what the hell it is.
I really have got to stop listening in Psych. I am turning into one of those idiots that thinks that they can diagnose things, when in fact they just sound like idiots. Spouting off big words and what not, it may fool some, but not all.
Maybe a nap will help. God knows that I sleep enough. Jesus. I need some me time. That's it. Maybe tonight I will go to a movie instead of out like I had planned. I am in such a bad mood that I would probably make terrible company, even though I have yet to see the person I am suppose to hang out with, in forever. And I miss her face more than ever.
On top of that I am thinking about Keeda, and hoping that everything pulls through just fine. Thoughts and good juju go out to her. I think my heart will break into a million pieces if that biopsy comes back as cancer. I don't think I could handle that.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
-.-;
I am a tired, tired, tired woman. I can not express to you the amount of bone wariness that I carry in me right now. And yet here I am at 130 in the morning, writing on a blog that I have once again neglected for over a month. Goes to show how good of a blogger I am. Peh.
So I started back up at school again. But this time I am working on top of it. Why? Because I am a 'tardo and I want to burn out and kill myself. The first week was hell, this second one at the end is going to suck. I work Thur-Sun. There are no days off for me. It's either homework and class, or homework and work.
This is the cycle that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
God I bitch alot. Oh well. No one reads this shite anyways. And MF's I will cuss if I want. I have to get up in the morning and finish my homework for Psych. Ugh, I can not wait for this semester to be over. OVER I say. Especially this damn math class. One more semester of that, and I should be done. No, I lied I still have to take Stats. UGH.
On a positive note, I think I have found the best course of action, and that is to go to UNMC. I can still go to Metro and do ALL of my Gen. Eds before I waltz into the big university and take the nursing classes that I need. It just seems like it will fit my schedule/timeline better.
I have also lost damn near 30lbs. Now mind you I have been a disgusting slob when it comes to eating habits, but since I work so much and walk so often at work I have been losing weight. 30 lbs! Big Mama say WHA? Now only like 60lbs to go. Time to make some new rules.
NO MORE: Pop, Sugar, Fast Food, Fried Food.
However; Sunday is amnesty day. You may eat and or drink whatever you want. Also, working out of some kind needs to begin again. FIND TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE HO!
60 lbs is a long ways to go, but I am sure that I can do it. Push ups, sit ups, and maybe walking a good distance a day will help me start losing again. I don't want to be a fat ass forever. And I can't risk falling back into unhealthy bs again. Maybe I should start working on myfitnesspal again. Yeah, I think so. Starting tomorrow.
Alright all, time to go to bed. Have to do Psych in the morning. -.- It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. That is my new mantra.
PS I am fat and fabulous, get over it.
So I started back up at school again. But this time I am working on top of it. Why? Because I am a 'tardo and I want to burn out and kill myself. The first week was hell, this second one at the end is going to suck. I work Thur-Sun. There are no days off for me. It's either homework and class, or homework and work.
This is the cycle that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
God I bitch alot. Oh well. No one reads this shite anyways. And MF's I will cuss if I want. I have to get up in the morning and finish my homework for Psych. Ugh, I can not wait for this semester to be over. OVER I say. Especially this damn math class. One more semester of that, and I should be done. No, I lied I still have to take Stats. UGH.
On a positive note, I think I have found the best course of action, and that is to go to UNMC. I can still go to Metro and do ALL of my Gen. Eds before I waltz into the big university and take the nursing classes that I need. It just seems like it will fit my schedule/timeline better.
I have also lost damn near 30lbs. Now mind you I have been a disgusting slob when it comes to eating habits, but since I work so much and walk so often at work I have been losing weight. 30 lbs! Big Mama say WHA? Now only like 60lbs to go. Time to make some new rules.
NO MORE: Pop, Sugar, Fast Food, Fried Food.
However; Sunday is amnesty day. You may eat and or drink whatever you want. Also, working out of some kind needs to begin again. FIND TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE HO!
60 lbs is a long ways to go, but I am sure that I can do it. Push ups, sit ups, and maybe walking a good distance a day will help me start losing again. I don't want to be a fat ass forever. And I can't risk falling back into unhealthy bs again. Maybe I should start working on myfitnesspal again. Yeah, I think so. Starting tomorrow.
Alright all, time to go to bed. Have to do Psych in the morning. -.- It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. That is my new mantra.
PS I am fat and fabulous, get over it.
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