Jaxon had a meltdown today. It wasn't anything pretty. But when is a meltdown. I'm told daily that he has my attitude. You know what..so? He will be a strong, stubborn man then. Someone who is passionate about those that care about him. He will be a force to be recokoned with when someone hurts the people he love. Why? Because I am like that. He will love every inch of his family, even when they drive him crazy. He will bend over backward to make them happy, even when it seems like it will break him. Why? Because I am like that.
I do those things. I work my ass off, and I share my rewards with my family, because that is the way it is suppose to be. I would drive 200 miles to get them even if they couldn't pay me gas money, and I am down to my last 50 dollars. I'd do it, because they would do it for me. I wouldn't change the way I was raised, and I wouldn't change the relationship that I have with those closest to me. And I want my son to be just like that. Family is the lifeline that we hold on to when the whole world is going to shit. They will save you from drowning, feed you when it's needed, put a roof over your head when your luck is bad. That is what family is about. That is what I want to teach my son. That no matter what, he will always have someone to count on. Always.
Sometimes it feels like I don't get love from anyone but my son and my family. Like this place that I find myself is hollow. But I am too stubborn to give up. I want it to work..this situation that I am in. I want to be happy..and I will be..no matter what. I will not lose myself, because that is not how I was raised. I am too strong for that. I am me. I will not be the person you want to mold me into.
I will meet my goals. I will find a happy place in this world, and I will live there in the glory of it all. As delusional as that sounds. Heh.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Double Dog Dare---Review
So I have decided that I am going to go on a quest to find a reasonaly priced (under $15) bottle of wine that I LOVE. In laymans terms this means I am going to try a crap ton of wines! This could be a fun..albeit drunken quest for knowledge..yes..KNOWLEDGE! That's what we are going to call it. I also want to see if I can find out if the best is below a certain amount.
So today while at the store I picked up Double Dog Dare White Zinfendel.
So today while at the store I picked up Double Dog Dare White Zinfendel.
The wine cost me about $2.98. I figured this was a long shot, considering the price..but meh. Why not live on the wild side? So I got it home, popped it in the fridge and let it sit for a few hours to get cold. On a side note, I am a HUGE fan of white zin. I love the sweet blush wines, they make me happy. So I just popped the cork fifteen minutes or so ago, and took my first sip. I'm slightly disappointed. It's..slightly bland. I suppose it could be because it was $2.98. When taking the first sip and swallowing, I was left with a slightly bitter aftertaste. It's still lingering a bit now. But I am wondering if its because I am still sick. Eh, who knows.
Verdict: Won't buy again. Not sweet enough
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Love of my life..
I think I have figured out that my baby is afraid of the dark. Poor thing. He gets so distraught when I put him down to bed and the light gets turned off. I think I may have to get him a night light so that he doesn't get scared in the middle of the night, especially since he has been waking up and coming in to sleep with mommy and daddy. God I love that little peanut. He is my heart.
On the school front...I start back up next Tuesday. I am kind of excited, but moreso I just want to get in..and get this done. I want to have my degree and be living my life..not puttering around in school again. But, you know what, I will suck it up and work it out..because it's for the best in the future. I don't want Jaxon to have to worry about anything when he's older. He will have a college fund..and it will all be paid for..if he decides he wants to go to college. Besides..I want to be able to spoil him with a car when he turns 16..and trips to Disney World or something.
I need to update his more often..record the things that my bug says. He's so funny..and so damn smart. He knows his shapes! Heart, square, star, circle. So smart. So very, very smart. He also loves when mommy sings to him before he goes to sleep. I can not believe how big my baby is getting. Seems like just yesterday. *Sigh* I just want to hold him and make him quit growing..pause the moment and keep it like that forever. Tomorrow I need to take some new pictures of him.
I am going to try and update weekly..if not daily..I want to better record what he does every day. I don't want to forget anything about these days. Not a single thing.
On the school front...I start back up next Tuesday. I am kind of excited, but moreso I just want to get in..and get this done. I want to have my degree and be living my life..not puttering around in school again. But, you know what, I will suck it up and work it out..because it's for the best in the future. I don't want Jaxon to have to worry about anything when he's older. He will have a college fund..and it will all be paid for..if he decides he wants to go to college. Besides..I want to be able to spoil him with a car when he turns 16..and trips to Disney World or something.
I need to update his more often..record the things that my bug says. He's so funny..and so damn smart. He knows his shapes! Heart, square, star, circle. So smart. So very, very smart. He also loves when mommy sings to him before he goes to sleep. I can not believe how big my baby is getting. Seems like just yesterday. *Sigh* I just want to hold him and make him quit growing..pause the moment and keep it like that forever. Tomorrow I need to take some new pictures of him.
I am going to try and update weekly..if not daily..I want to better record what he does every day. I don't want to forget anything about these days. Not a single thing.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Jaxon---8-15-2011
So I figure I had better start writing down all of the things that Jaxon does that I find endearing, because before I know it..he is going to be in high school or something.
Today the little bug fell asleep in bed with my husband and he had one sock on his foot and his diaper. That's all. And Justin and him were in the exact same position. On their left side, knees bent, both of their mouths hanging open, and snoring a little bit. He looked like a little mini-version..expect he looks like me. Because let's face it..the boy really does look like me.
God I love that kid entirely too much.
He also said "I wanna watch tv!" The other day it was "I want to sit there!" He's too smart for his own good!! God I love him.
Today the little bug fell asleep in bed with my husband and he had one sock on his foot and his diaper. That's all. And Justin and him were in the exact same position. On their left side, knees bent, both of their mouths hanging open, and snoring a little bit. He looked like a little mini-version..expect he looks like me. Because let's face it..the boy really does look like me.
God I love that kid entirely too much.
He also said "I wanna watch tv!" The other day it was "I want to sit there!" He's too smart for his own good!! God I love him.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I got the blues...and I don't mean Mac and Cheese.
Honestly, my head is pounding something fierce. Uh. I feel like I am being pulled twelve different directions at once, and people are all just sitting there laughing about it. I can feel the cranky monster rising up to consume everyone. And it is going to be a very, VERY ugly stint if I don't curb whatever the hell it is that is bugging me.
So once again I didn't listen to my own damn rules. I fell pray to the 'convience' of fast food. I really, really have got to stop doing that. I feel like complete and utter garbage after I am done consuming it. Wracked with so much guilt I could keep a Catholic priest busy for a year. I have to get the hell out of this funk. OMG. I can not take it, seriously. I just feel like I am going to explode on someone, and I think it may be the result of my eating habits. Damn sad if you ask me. I am letting food control me once again. Get a grip woman, jesus!
On another note, I feel like I need a huge change. A tattoo? Haircut? Cut people out of the life? Ugh, something. I feel icky and I do not know how to shed that damn feeling. I don't like feeling bogged down. For once in my life, I feel like I deserve to be happy. I am doing all of things that I need to be doing. Working. (-insert grumble here-) Going to school. Being a good mommy, atleast to the best of my ability. I probably could be doing more, but I feel so spread thin that all I want to do when I get home from whatever the hell it is, I just want to sleep.
Right now I have a huge headache from hell, and it only took 30 seconds to upset me. The bad thing about it all, is that I don't quite remember what it is that pissed me off. Which in turn means that it did not mean anything, or was not the root of my actual problem. There is something underlying in all of it, and I just have to figure out what the hell it is.
I really have got to stop listening in Psych. I am turning into one of those idiots that thinks that they can diagnose things, when in fact they just sound like idiots. Spouting off big words and what not, it may fool some, but not all.
Maybe a nap will help. God knows that I sleep enough. Jesus. I need some me time. That's it. Maybe tonight I will go to a movie instead of out like I had planned. I am in such a bad mood that I would probably make terrible company, even though I have yet to see the person I am suppose to hang out with, in forever. And I miss her face more than ever.
On top of that I am thinking about Keeda, and hoping that everything pulls through just fine. Thoughts and good juju go out to her. I think my heart will break into a million pieces if that biopsy comes back as cancer. I don't think I could handle that.
So once again I didn't listen to my own damn rules. I fell pray to the 'convience' of fast food. I really, really have got to stop doing that. I feel like complete and utter garbage after I am done consuming it. Wracked with so much guilt I could keep a Catholic priest busy for a year. I have to get the hell out of this funk. OMG. I can not take it, seriously. I just feel like I am going to explode on someone, and I think it may be the result of my eating habits. Damn sad if you ask me. I am letting food control me once again. Get a grip woman, jesus!
On another note, I feel like I need a huge change. A tattoo? Haircut? Cut people out of the life? Ugh, something. I feel icky and I do not know how to shed that damn feeling. I don't like feeling bogged down. For once in my life, I feel like I deserve to be happy. I am doing all of things that I need to be doing. Working. (-insert grumble here-) Going to school. Being a good mommy, atleast to the best of my ability. I probably could be doing more, but I feel so spread thin that all I want to do when I get home from whatever the hell it is, I just want to sleep.
Right now I have a huge headache from hell, and it only took 30 seconds to upset me. The bad thing about it all, is that I don't quite remember what it is that pissed me off. Which in turn means that it did not mean anything, or was not the root of my actual problem. There is something underlying in all of it, and I just have to figure out what the hell it is.
I really have got to stop listening in Psych. I am turning into one of those idiots that thinks that they can diagnose things, when in fact they just sound like idiots. Spouting off big words and what not, it may fool some, but not all.
Maybe a nap will help. God knows that I sleep enough. Jesus. I need some me time. That's it. Maybe tonight I will go to a movie instead of out like I had planned. I am in such a bad mood that I would probably make terrible company, even though I have yet to see the person I am suppose to hang out with, in forever. And I miss her face more than ever.
On top of that I am thinking about Keeda, and hoping that everything pulls through just fine. Thoughts and good juju go out to her. I think my heart will break into a million pieces if that biopsy comes back as cancer. I don't think I could handle that.
-.-;
I am a tired, tired, tired woman. I can not express to you the amount of bone wariness that I carry in me right now. And yet here I am at 130 in the morning, writing on a blog that I have once again neglected for over a month. Goes to show how good of a blogger I am. Peh.
So I started back up at school again. But this time I am working on top of it. Why? Because I am a 'tardo and I want to burn out and kill myself. The first week was hell, this second one at the end is going to suck. I work Thur-Sun. There are no days off for me. It's either homework and class, or homework and work.
This is the cycle that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
God I bitch alot. Oh well. No one reads this shite anyways. And MF's I will cuss if I want. I have to get up in the morning and finish my homework for Psych. Ugh, I can not wait for this semester to be over. OVER I say. Especially this damn math class. One more semester of that, and I should be done. No, I lied I still have to take Stats. UGH.
On a positive note, I think I have found the best course of action, and that is to go to UNMC. I can still go to Metro and do ALL of my Gen. Eds before I waltz into the big university and take the nursing classes that I need. It just seems like it will fit my schedule/timeline better.
I have also lost damn near 30lbs. Now mind you I have been a disgusting slob when it comes to eating habits, but since I work so much and walk so often at work I have been losing weight. 30 lbs! Big Mama say WHA? Now only like 60lbs to go. Time to make some new rules.
NO MORE: Pop, Sugar, Fast Food, Fried Food.
However; Sunday is amnesty day. You may eat and or drink whatever you want. Also, working out of some kind needs to begin again. FIND TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE HO!
60 lbs is a long ways to go, but I am sure that I can do it. Push ups, sit ups, and maybe walking a good distance a day will help me start losing again. I don't want to be a fat ass forever. And I can't risk falling back into unhealthy bs again. Maybe I should start working on myfitnesspal again. Yeah, I think so. Starting tomorrow.
Alright all, time to go to bed. Have to do Psych in the morning. -.- It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. That is my new mantra.
PS I am fat and fabulous, get over it.
So I started back up at school again. But this time I am working on top of it. Why? Because I am a 'tardo and I want to burn out and kill myself. The first week was hell, this second one at the end is going to suck. I work Thur-Sun. There are no days off for me. It's either homework and class, or homework and work.
This is the cycle that never ends, yes it goes on and on my friends.
God I bitch alot. Oh well. No one reads this shite anyways. And MF's I will cuss if I want. I have to get up in the morning and finish my homework for Psych. Ugh, I can not wait for this semester to be over. OVER I say. Especially this damn math class. One more semester of that, and I should be done. No, I lied I still have to take Stats. UGH.
On a positive note, I think I have found the best course of action, and that is to go to UNMC. I can still go to Metro and do ALL of my Gen. Eds before I waltz into the big university and take the nursing classes that I need. It just seems like it will fit my schedule/timeline better.
I have also lost damn near 30lbs. Now mind you I have been a disgusting slob when it comes to eating habits, but since I work so much and walk so often at work I have been losing weight. 30 lbs! Big Mama say WHA? Now only like 60lbs to go. Time to make some new rules.
NO MORE: Pop, Sugar, Fast Food, Fried Food.
However; Sunday is amnesty day. You may eat and or drink whatever you want. Also, working out of some kind needs to begin again. FIND TIME IN YOUR SCHEDULE HO!
60 lbs is a long ways to go, but I am sure that I can do it. Push ups, sit ups, and maybe walking a good distance a day will help me start losing again. I don't want to be a fat ass forever. And I can't risk falling back into unhealthy bs again. Maybe I should start working on myfitnesspal again. Yeah, I think so. Starting tomorrow.
Alright all, time to go to bed. Have to do Psych in the morning. -.- It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. It is all worth it in the end. That is my new mantra.
PS I am fat and fabulous, get over it.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Another short hiatus!
So I have been a very, very busy girl. I started at a new job...quit..found a different one..and have been there for the past two months. This place is nice, the hours are a bit wonky...but the pay is good and I like the people. So all in all I am a happy camper. Other than that, I am getting my ass back into school as of June 6th.
Nursing and I have been having a love/hate relationship. One minute I am all gung-ho for it, the next I am trying to think up something else I would rather do. But in the long run, this is the right path for me. Just not where I originally planned to be. I am not just stopping with my BA..eventually I will go on and get my MSN and either my NP or become a CRNA. I think I would be happy in either job. Though, I will not be able to make the final decision on that until I actually take chemistry again and see how I like it. Chemistry is a large part of CRNA, as well as pharm.
Jaxon has been a good little boy. His vocabulary is growing my leaps and bounds every single day. It is fucking scary, really. I love that little boy more than life itself. Every time I don't want to go to work or get back into school, I think of the future I can give him with the proper education and training that I am recieveing at both places. Yay for being a responsible mommy!
Ugh, time to take off and get a bit of rest before it is time to go to work. Yep, that's right...I work 11 pm until 730 am. Crazy schedule, I know. LOL.
Nursing and I have been having a love/hate relationship. One minute I am all gung-ho for it, the next I am trying to think up something else I would rather do. But in the long run, this is the right path for me. Just not where I originally planned to be. I am not just stopping with my BA..eventually I will go on and get my MSN and either my NP or become a CRNA. I think I would be happy in either job. Though, I will not be able to make the final decision on that until I actually take chemistry again and see how I like it. Chemistry is a large part of CRNA, as well as pharm.
Jaxon has been a good little boy. His vocabulary is growing my leaps and bounds every single day. It is fucking scary, really. I love that little boy more than life itself. Every time I don't want to go to work or get back into school, I think of the future I can give him with the proper education and training that I am recieveing at both places. Yay for being a responsible mommy!
Ugh, time to take off and get a bit of rest before it is time to go to work. Yep, that's right...I work 11 pm until 730 am. Crazy schedule, I know. LOL.
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