I can't sleep...

I can't sleep again. I seem to be settling into a routine of getting up early in the morning to get ready, working, taking care of the kids, dinner, cleaning, kids ready for bed, stay up and watch video upon video of what is going on in the world.

I don't know why I can't sleep. I don't know if it is because of the waffling between fear and the "It will be ok" attitude that I have. There is so much misinformation going around and it's starting to get hard to figure out who you should trust. There is such little knowledge of this virus. There are also people every day that keep asking when we can go back to normal.

I think it's normal to want to return to some semblance of life as we used to know it. I think it's normal to want to get out of this heavy haze of anxiety that we live in on a daily basis. Today I took my children out to play outside and my daughter kept touching things, and all I could think was "My God, what if she touches something that has it." Mind you she was touching our patio furniture and nothing else really. But it put this anxiety in my chest and I had to go inside. I had to take my child into the house and sanitize her and myself.

I get it, this is a nasty virus. It is killing dozens. But this constant state of fear that we are living in is also bad. It's mind-numbing and hard to focus on. So you drown yourself in a Netflix show or eating another snack so that you don't think about the reality that is outside. At least the lucky few that get to stay in and work from home. I could not imagine the anxiety and fear that the people that are considered essential go through every single day.

I see videos of healthcare professionals pleading and highlighting their daily struggles. I hear tidbits here and there of what is going on. Mass graves being discussed for New York. Refrigerator trucks to act as temporary morgues. Nurses quitting their jobs because they can not bring themselves to work in a hospital, in a unit, with no protective gear what so ever. This is their new normal. And they are working their asses off every day, putting their lives in danger.

There is so much in this world right now that is scary. So much chaos and death. That is probably exactly why I can't sleep.