Jaxon had a meltdown today. It wasn't anything pretty. But when is a meltdown. I'm told daily that he has my attitude. You know what..so? He will be a strong, stubborn man then. Someone who is passionate about those that care about him. He will be a force to be recokoned with when someone hurts the people he love. Why? Because I am like that. He will love every inch of his family, even when they drive him crazy. He will bend over backward to make them happy, even when it seems like it will break him. Why? Because I am like that.
I do those things. I work my ass off, and I share my rewards with my family, because that is the way it is suppose to be. I would drive 200 miles to get them even if they couldn't pay me gas money, and I am down to my last 50 dollars. I'd do it, because they would do it for me. I wouldn't change the way I was raised, and I wouldn't change the relationship that I have with those closest to me. And I want my son to be just like that. Family is the lifeline that we hold on to when the whole world is going to shit. They will save you from drowning, feed you when it's needed, put a roof over your head when your luck is bad. That is what family is about. That is what I want to teach my son. That no matter what, he will always have someone to count on. Always.
Sometimes it feels like I don't get love from anyone but my son and my family. Like this place that I find myself is hollow. But I am too stubborn to give up. I want it to work..this situation that I am in. I want to be happy..and I will be..no matter what. I will not lose myself, because that is not how I was raised. I am too strong for that. I am me. I will not be the person you want to mold me into.
I will meet my goals. I will find a happy place in this world, and I will live there in the glory of it all. As delusional as that sounds. Heh.
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